唯一清醒得一天

亲爱的日记：

原谅我，最近颓废透了，想干什么都提不起劲，几乎是在半垂死状态。在我身边的，应该都了解事态的严重，在这里，我就不一一解释了，实在是长篇大论。今天比较清醒，就觉得自己应该来交代一下后事境况。到目前为止，我还是好好的啦，应该是在痊愈当中吧，所以请你不必担心。

在我失踪的这段日子，其实发生了很多，有值得开心的，也有。。。好啦，开心的居多。首要的，就是老公出差回来了，他很照顾我，以前认为他不可能做的事，在我生病的这段时间，发生了。老公，谢谢你！！！ 我从来没有那么公开的谈论过我们俩的生活，但是这次确实让我非常地感动。细节就让我留在心里，但是妹妹知道啦~

再来，就是考试成功啦。。。别问我怎么办到的，因为就是纯粹两个字 - 侥幸- 也可能是考官心情好，要不然就是，因为我是最后一个考生，他想赶快收工，回家休息，总之，能过，一定不是我的努力，或是天分。还是那两个字，侥幸！！！但是还是要感谢一下侯老师，把她气成那样，真不好意思。

还有，就算生病，还是忍不住去看了几场Mr Ong 的演奏会，没办法，实在是cannot resist 他的魅力。但说也奇怪，每次看他的演奏会的时候都没有生病的感觉，胃也没涨，也不咳嗽，非常舒畅的感觉。

好了，我该去睡了。。。累得虚脱~ 

Busy busy busy...

i recovered, then i fell sick again, sis said it's due to pressure, but i don't feel anything to be serious, but she said, it happens 无声无息的。

then, to make things worse, dad and mum came visiting. I was like, what???? for all the moment, i can't fall sick in front of dad know? he is like super gan zheong one.... will start to boil this, boil that, buy this buy that for me to make me feel better, and i will feel bad, cos it's all my fault to fall sick, i drink cold, i eat spicy, i on air con cold cold, i sleep late etc etc....

and and and.... it was class hour last Sunday, and it's the final class hour that i get to attend b4 my exam, which mean i can't afford to miss it, and i have to play like 2 mega exam pieces, which i seldom practise when i was ill, and i always can't finish playing them cos it needs too much concentration and stamina, see? how miserable my life was during the long weekend? but one thing cheer me up, a concert try out at mr ong's house...

Mr ong is having a violin, piano duet with Mr Jin Li on the 2nd of Nov, and it was melting me when i listen to the try out just now... fantastic, they both match so well... techniques are so good, music are good too... whoever reading this, plz go and watch the recital, it's really a 'won't regret' thingy!!!

Back fr. Hell~

I am back, I am back.... have been sometimes i was away~ I went somewhere, loitering there, and back now. I am so glad that i return safely.

Today was... er.... quite happening for me. Walked the whole day basically, make up lesson in the morning, yes, it's a Sunday and i need to work. why? cos i went loitering for a few weeks. and now i am back, i need to work. ok... make up in the morning, then went to shop for a laptop, not for myself, but my husband. and... yeah~~~ he bought a Toshiba. A very superb cool look, shinning shinning one. Very chio~ and he is gonna bring this chio little thingy to Australia. Yes, he is going there again, i will be free for a month plus, but I got better things to do than loitering around. I need to practise, sigh... don't remind me about exam. I am freaking.

Not scared one la, i always tell my students. sigh.... ok, sorry guys, i take back my words. I feel so bad. sorry teacher. I went shopping today, and my teacher sent me a sms... saying : I bet u are working hard to practise your piano, i know u can play well, jia you!!! <--- see? I feel so bad. I was too tensed up, and i don't feel like touching the piano at all. I mean... AT ALL!!!

anyway~~~ I will try, don't care, and chiong ah~~~~~ practise for 3 hours tomorrow, how about that? 3 hours are consider little ok! Mr Ong, such a busy old man, so pro somemore, and he practises 5 hours a day! sorry sorry... SORRY!!! ( i feel like crying, i feel like hiding in a cave, i feel like i am not a good 榜样 for my students!)

Sh*tty Holiday

Sigh.... I am back. I started with a long sighhh... there is a reason for it.

By the way, I am back in Singapore already, I was lost in action for a week or so cos, i really really had a bad week back in KL. Well, I am glad that my parents are beside me when i was 'down'. Down as in, really dead down on the bed, super sick ler....

At first already cough like don't know what... then went to see doc in KL, he gave me some super strong antibiotics, which my stomach cannot take it at all. So, my stomach feel bloated for don't know how many days, until today loh... i think about 6 days already. Can u imagine your stomach like a balloon, gonna burst in any minute, and yet, u still have to carry it around. I couldn't breath properly, cos of the gassy feeling inside me. I couldn't sleep properly, when i was lying on the bed, i feel so bad, i can't breath... sigh, really bad feeling for me.

I can't eat strong taste food, I feel like throwing up after eating. I feel dizzy in the day time, slept in the living room, on a metal 'teh-yi'.

And worse... I was suppose to rush down to JB for my class hour on Sunday, and guess what? i remember the flight time wrongly, and I missed the flight, ended up, staying in KL, was that a sign? cos Sunday nite was the worst of all, i vomit and cough non stop, if i was in teacher's house, will sure scared her away.

Monday, came back to Singapore, the gassy feeling still inside me, for the 2nd time, i went to a doc. but the doc was too concentrate on my cough and blood pressure, he didn't say much about the gastric problem, so, i carried the balloon with me for another 2 days. then 3rd time to the Doc. which was this morning... and i make sure he check me up for the gastric prob. Another 3 bags of medicine....

really hope that all the gas in my stomach will just disappear tomorrow morning... by burping, by farting, whatever... just get rid of all the gas. I cannot stand it anymore...

oh ya, another thing, i pierced my ears, like finally ya. Now i can say, it's not painful at all.... hehehe, at least something to make me smile in these terrible days.

@ Home

I am back in my kl home, it's good to be home, can relax, rest. Actually this time, i am suppose to practice piano at home, hours and hours, but i find it actually quite hard to do so.

The TV is basically on from 9am till late at nite, although my parents didn't complain about anything, but i just feel not right to torture their ears, u know, when u are practising, it's not very promising.

2ndly, the piano is like.... my gosh, super out of tune, i can even tell by bare ears, very bad condition, well, as a very 'chin chai' pianist, i don't really care, so, that will make the torture worse, just imagine all the sounds are crashing, and i am playing the 20th cent pieces, super crash, like 2 bullet trains crashing into each other.

then is the weather... extremely warm ok, make me feel like sleeping. I fell asleep even playing the computer, and that NEVER happen to me.

and i am still coughing badly, every time when i am practising the piano, i just feel that i cannot catch my breath properly, i hold the breath until the end of the piece. especially the moderato and nocturne by Britten. Why must use so much strength? i got no strength leh.... then why must play so quietly? it's hard to control u know... sigh... so, at the end, my Britten become.... PINK COLOUR~~~ and teacher said i very 恶心。 我也不想的啊。救命啊~~~~

OK... 以上的都是借口，我一定会好好地练琴的，Sunday is another class hour, sigh.... i am gonna play the whole of the Haydn sonata, will i be able to?

I miss you~

We had a nice long chat, after all these months, all these years.... with a cup of warm tea in my hand, it's nice... i miss those days when we were together.

• we used to talk on the phone, share our things
• i used to go to your place, stay a peaceful afternoon there before starting to work
• we used to cook breakfast at my place, still remember your fried tomato and crumble egg
• we used to work at the same school, having lunch and dinner together...
• we used to do so many things together, then we lost each other.
• and now.... we've found each other again and wish our friendship last forever

心情0908

我又打败仗了，喉咙依然刺痛，大伤风，怎么那么差劲。

上个礼拜，去了JB，住了一夜，和阿松，卓乐闹了一个晚上，和他们一起游泳。他们是第一次在condo的泳池游泳，阿松好棒，一点都不畏惧，很喜欢水，玩得都不愿意上岸。然后晚上还提灯笼，两个小男孩笑得多么开心，太可爱了。

回到新加坡，就病倒了，躺了两天，糊里糊涂地，睡得天昏地暗，连日子都差点忘记了。今天头脑比较可以思考的时候，竟然以为九月就要过去了，以为自己已经没有时间，以为学生们的笔试就要到了，更以为我的考试也已经逼近。是不是太离谱了？是不是压力大？还是被一些周围的事情影响了心情？

是的，我很容易被别人或者别的事情影响，哪怕是一部连续剧，一首歌，一篇文章，还是一个人的一句话。最近看了一部比较悲的戏，哭得稀里哗啦，满脑子都是戏里的人，事，物。很难抽离。我是不是应该离开电脑一下下，让心情平复，沉淀，直到。。。。几时？唉~

其实，一直以来，我都是认为自己是幸运的，想要得到的东西，不用太努力就可以拥有，但是会不会有一天，幸运不再眷顾我，让我自身自灭？我还没有学会珍惜呢。。。会不会太迟了呢？

A long lost friend

haha... until just now, about 10pm, my mood got better a little... well, maybe due to "too much sleeps" syndrome, i had a bad mood, since this morning... hardly smile. but just now, i called a long lost friend, i have been looking for her for sometimes, i hated myself of loosing her contact number, but i found it eventually, on some old newspaper cuttings, fated or what?

I was soooooo happy that i found her again, we chatted on the phone, happily, i am so glad to hear that she is happy now... and also she picks up piano once again, very very glad and touched.

we will meet up one day right? to catch up watever that we lost b4?

lets work hard together, leading a better life, shall we? I am a happy gold fish~~~

愚蠢的天秤座

该死的天秤座性格让我moody 了好几天。基本上，天秤座的人，就是一个‘烂’好人。他们不能够忍受——某某人不喜欢我——的想法。只要知道一个人对他有负面的意见，天秤座的人就会难受得不得了。

这几天，我就切切实实地感受并证实了这一点。虽然说我已经非常了解自己到底是一个什么样的人，但是就是没有办法改正过来。

前两天，因为要把事情做好（又是天秤在作怪），就假厉害地帮mr. ong 安排让我一个学生见他的时间，结果产生了一些误会。mr. ong sent 来了一封听起来还蛮生气的SMS。就是这封SMS让我的天空灰灰暗暗的，好像生病的感觉，然后好几天，我都不敢主动再和他联络。我非常地沮丧，脑海里一直不断的想，不断的责怪自己为什么处事那么不小心。

就因为心里难受，再不解决这个僵局，我的眼泪一定决堤，心脏一定爆炸，然后我身边的人一定遭殃。所以我就发了一封简讯，势必要打破这个僵局，mr. ong 的reply 是这样的——ok, no prob, my dear friend——原来他没有把事情放在心上，没有生我的气，顿时，放下了心中大石，phew~~~

看吧，这就是所谓的——天秤座症候群。。。超幼稚的，但是真的，我想改变，改掉这个自己吓自己的习惯，然后轻轻松松的，什么都不想，什么都不假设，但是真的改不了。

勇敢迈向梦想

有人告诉我，说我可以让兴趣变成工作，是非常幸福的事。是的，但是你知不知道，我也是绕了好大一圈，克服好多的挫败感，才得到今天的一切。虽然还不是非常成功，但是，我已经很满足了。学习钢琴的这条路，虽然我走得比别人轻松一点，但是自己也是经过很多的挣扎。就音乐，尤其是古典的，就让很多人误解，要靠这个赚钱，很多人就认为根本不可能。但是，我说你们都错得太离谱了。现在是什么样的一个社会，很多艺术家都已经改变自己的脾气来迎合这个现实的都市。现在真的会有赚不了生活的艺术家吗？ 现在的艺术家，音乐家，钢琴家，已经不一样了。

当然，要到‘家’毕竟还有一段距离，而这段距离，绝对不是短的，也不是平坦的。但是如果你喜欢音乐，享受它，那还不容易到‘家’吗？最重要的是，理性分析自己要的是什么，坚持自己的理念，勇敢地迈向自己的梦想。

是谁不曾被说过练琴很吵？
是谁不曾被说过教琴没饭吃？
是谁不曾被说过教琴不稳定？

但是，是不是这样就放弃理想？然后一辈子都过着自己不喜欢的生活，做着自己不喜欢的工作，然后不出10年就开始厌倦，厌恶人生。

如果是这样，我宁愿开开心心的吃面包，也不要流着眼泪吃鱼翅。这不是艺术家的脾气，只是一个人对自己的责任，就是让自己开心。

我已经订下一个目标，正努力地迈向我的下一个里程碑，你呢？

璀璨的烟花

I went for fireworks last nite... with haw, mei, JeeJeen and JY family. this year, we've got the best place to watch the fireworks, it's on a hippo, yes, in the Singapore River we were, chatting, laughing, waiting for the show to start. Really good show, i think we are going to book a hippo every year for the fireworks, cos that's really the best place to watch. Anyone interested? remember, next year Aug, look for me, and i will reserve a place for u :)

I didn't really take much pic of the fireworks though, cos i was too excited and forgot to take pic of it, wanna pay more attention to the show. But we took loads of pic b4 the show, will upload it later on.

一个决定

我想，我是经过深思熟虑才下了这个决定的，应该不会后悔，全力以赴吧！！！

30年的一堵墙

今天，我突破了一项纪录。我30年来，第一次写信给爸爸。听起来好像很奇怪，但是的确。我写了一封蛮长的‘电子家书’给爸爸。

我的爸爸，赋予我一个可爱的小康之家，有求必应的他让我和弟妹们的童年过得非常的充实和饱满。他是我一生中，最尊敬的人。尊敬得几乎是怕他，不说不知，我这个天不怕地不怕的女人，凶巴巴的，谁踩着了我的尾巴，就好像疯狗一样的乱咬的人，非常害怕自己的爸爸，一个既温和，又有礼的男人。我们聊天的话题，永远离不开天气和工作这些表面的东西。

刚才，我的心情很澎湃，再加上妹妹的鼓励，我决定给爸爸写封家书。虽然事情后来解决了， 但是我还是决定给爸爸写封信。因为这是一个非常好的机会，打破一个30年都直立不倒的一堵墙。

Welcome home!!!

yeah, i am so happy, my husband is finally back home, more than 2 months, my gosh... how did i manage? but i guess, just got to get used to it, in fact, i become more independent, now that he is back, i can be dependent again, hehe...

along with his return, of course.... PRESENTSSS!!!! my gift no.1 got to be that 100ml perfume, named miracle, i always wanted to buy this perfume, luckily never, cos i am so happy he actually willing to buy me this, he always think that perfume is something very wasteful, not worth the price.

gift no.2..... which i didn't have any clue b4 i saw it from his luggage, a big time surprise.... a pair of Nike sandals.... gee, he actually bring that all the way from Sydney... i am so touched!!! Thank you so much darling.

one little crystal dolphin, for my car deco

one kangaroo soft toy

one dolphin that can strink and expend to about 600% of the original size when put into water, cool ya, i haven try it yet, but i think i will be fun to play with it.

one dolphin that have super strong magnet on it... yeah, i know, he super like dolphin, and also cos i am xiao yu, i leave in water, so i love sea creature too, dolphins are my favorite.

a few badges, soft toys, and some little aeroplane and have sound and lights.. very cute as well. I will give that little aeroplane to my beloved sister, she will scream and love it!!!

and a good news~~~ haw got promoted... i am so happy, all the good things and good news are following him home, bring me happiness... i am gonna be sleepless tonite.

吞噬。。。在深夜~~

琴缘一生

在胡文雁的《咏叹调》里发现了一本书，叫《琴缘一生》，非常感兴趣，但是新加坡好像买不到了，上网打听打听，原来台湾有在卖，就想起一个学生就在台湾。用MSN和他联系了一下，拜托他帮我买。他答应了之后，就一直兴奋得不行。

那天和Mr. Ong 谈起想要拥有这本书的欲望，他竟然说可以借我他的那本，还有Ruth Slenczynska 的亲笔签名的《琴缘一生》，现在，已经在我手里。

我已经没有看书一段日子了，从前，每天的生命里都不可能没有书的陪伴。但是好像自从太久都找不到一本能够打动人心的书之后，我就把这个兴趣搁在一边。但是现在我找到了，我已经开始在阅读这本《琴缘一生》，才只不过开了短短的20页，就已经忍不住要和人分享，当然，身边天天出现，又懂得音乐，又挥之不去的，就只有妹妹咯！我每看一段感动的，就和她分享，但是她好像觉得我很烦。。。实在是不懂得欣赏的家伙。

我好喜欢作者写作的手法，幽默又不失内涵，还附有太多太多的钢琴技巧，那也只不过是20页的内容，可想而知，读完整本，我将会是何等的获益匪浅。

太感谢mr. ong了，他一再的提醒我要好好地保护这本书，因为是他的'aunty Ruth Slenczynska' 亲笔签名再送给他的。。。我会好好的保护，放心吧~

在这里介绍给大家，因为真的是一本让人热血沸腾，感动到不行的一本好书！！！

The Mozart Exhibition

Went to the mozart exhibition with teacher and her 2 sons, 卓乐 & 松乐。。。 they are so cute, don't believe me? the pictures say it all... especially when they were in Mozart's costumes, the wigs, really sooooo adorable. I feel like biting them, hehe, no la, just joking.

Evening, i went to a most 'jaws drop' class hour, at Mr. Ong's house. i never know a young kids like 7 years old, 13 years old, can play that fast, the fingers are like... robotic man. Techniques are superb, most expressive, most musical. ok, i must start to practice my piano, i mean, thoroughly. Another sleepless nite to me, everytime after i watch something inspired, i will get very high, and feel like playing the piano for the whole nite, too excited to rest. But too bad, eventhough i don't need to sleep, other ppl does, i can't practically play the piano in the middle of the nite. sigh... will just get myself settle down on the bed then~~~

The JB trip~

我的天

oh my my my~~~~ i was soooo impressed with the masterclass today, i learn sooo much, really. especially mr. ong's teaching method, a lot of methods are new to me, all the techniques, i never know those techniques can be thought this way! now, i can teach my students with all those explanation or 'secrets' as mr. ong said. He said he has lots and lots of 'secrets' to make his playing so wonderful....

I was nervous, he can tell. I was shaking, as usual... but luckily he didn't give any 'harsh' comment about my performing. phew~~~~ it's over!!! IT'S OVER!!! i am so free... and i feel happy, after masterclass, had dinner with mr. ong, then supper.... syok syok~~~

幸福的一天

啊，我得赶快完成这天的故事。。。现在已经是11.53pm 了，要来不及了。

ok, 今天非常幸福，也充实。。。 因为我在JB呆了大半天，基本上是跟老师粘在一起大半天。我很喜欢和她一起的感觉，她告诉我很多关于音乐方面的故事，我喜欢听，因为我知道，这些都不是在上课的时候可以学到的。那，我也可以和我的学生们分享一些我觉得有趣的故事。

一大早，我当然是练琴啦，因为一直到今天，我还走不出上个星期天那个masterclass 的阴影。就老是觉得自己弹得很烂，昨天在家还特别的练了好几十遍。今天早上再练，因该不下30遍吧。然后老师近来听。。。还是没有什么contrast, balancing 也不明显。ok.... 再练。。。

终于，老师第二次近来听的时候，哈哈。。。 可以了，balance very obvious, contrasts are better.... yahooo~~~~ 太高兴了，但是我知道我自己的问题，其实已经弹得above average 了，只是我有‘上台表演恐惧症’哈哈。。。真有这病吗？现在就只希望星期六，一切都顺利，不渴望得到mr. ong 的大赞赏，只要不丢脸就好了。。。唉，要求真低啊！！！

祝福我吧~ 我需要的~~