I am so lost

gee~~~ i am so lost recently, i lost my handphone pouch, i lost my vitamin C, i even lost my haydn piano score!!!! how can i lose that? i still need it, i need to practise for the masterclass, and now, I LOST IT!!!!!

i use another version of the score for piano lesson this morning, so not used to that score, so kena scolding from teacher, she thought that i never practise, but true also la, i really never touch the piano for 3 days. I even lost myself in this, i don't know how to play piano with heart anymore, my pieces left black and white only, no colours at all, no expressions, no feelings, sigh sigh... how?? someone help me, i used to be so proud of my expressiveness in music, and now, i lost all of them.

i cried just now, while listening to beethoven violin sonata, spring. i don't know why all of the sudden, while driving, i just cried. looked at the sky, it's dark, gonna rain soon, just like my heart now...

i don't know who to go to, i usually am the one that comfort others, i don't know who can understand me. gee... help me!! i am drowning.

你有没有那么迷失过。不只是心灵上的，就是开始找东西，好像身边的东西都躲着我似的，也不一定什么都真的不见了，有时候还是会找回来的，但是我的音乐好像真的找不回，不管我怎么练，它就只是一棵一棵的音符，一点生命力都没有。也不美，也不丑，但就是平凡。怎么都突破不了，怎么办，多一个星期又是class hour 了，然后月尾就是masterclass，我会有突破吗？

每次有这种感觉的时候，都会来个大扫除，希望把一些多余，没用的东西都丢掉，这次好像没有什么帮助，而且更严重了。什么东西都找不到。救命！！！！