A relaxing wed afternoon

Dear Diary,

nice weather today, although it rain, but it was nice and comfy after all the heat. I spent my afternoon walking alone in a mall, trying to figure out how to decorate my invitation for the annual concert... but ended up, buying nothing, cos they are not right.

Keep walking, listening to my mp3, it was the soundtrack of nodame, nice classicals, piano playing, concertos, symphonies... nice... it was so relax. Then i walked pass a CD shop, I walked in, trying to get more classical CD for my car, but that shop was in a mess, they don't organize the classical CD, it was hard to find a good one. Then i gave up... and i decided....

Walked into Yamaha Music store, trying to get some books, but couldn't find any one that i am looking for. then I made another decision, like within a minute...

to walk out from the mall, to another music store that sell more books... cos I WANT those repertoires by today, I want to practise them on the piano tomorrow early morning.. if i can play piano in the night i would love to, but i know i can't... so, tomorrow morning, i want new repertoires. Am i too 任性。I don't care!!!

So, i ended up with a shopping bag in my hand, with Schubert piano sonata book 1, and fantasy in f minor by Schubert in the bag.... I am happy now....

then happily, eat dinner with sis... so... today was a good day for me, although i can't get anything for the invitation cards, can't get anything from the messy CD store, and can't get any book from Yamaha...

wish tomorrow can be another happy and relaxing day for me~~~ yeah, lunch with jazz and celeste and their mum...

完美世界

你多久没有很真诚地拥抱你身边的人了？或多久没有被一首歌，或一本书感动？多久没有和一个小孩很天真地聊天？还是多久没有不顾一切地付出，或帮助有需要的人？

这两天我想了很多。。。我说，如果这个世界上的每一个人都不顾一切地去爱着身边的人，该有多好？没有自私，没有自负，没有猜疑也没有势利的人，全心全意地为别人付出，也不会有人认为你是愚蠢的人，那么社会会不会多一些色彩？少一些黑暗？

今天教了琴，驾着车在路上游荡。。。停在红绿灯前，看着过马路的人，都是疲惫的脸，是在为现实忙碌吗？中学的，就尽是一脸‘事不关己’的模样，手上的一支手机，已经将他们锁在一个只属于他们自己的空间。小学生就只沉溺在一个叫PSP的玩意儿。

把车停下，下车逛逛，经过一间幼儿园，从窗外望进去。。。太好了，终于有一个地方是没有被污染的，天真无邪的笑着，闹着，我慧心一笑。

有个朋友告诉我，如果不知道自己将来的路怎么走，就想一想当初最早的梦想。当初是怎么开此现在的路的，我没有忘记，但是最早的那份单纯，就真的忘了。我必须再努力一点，努力地去感受，努力地去维持。。。因为‘顺风时要维持，逆风时就得坚持了’ 。

我在很努力的维持，但是有时候，还是会迷失方向，那个时候，你是不是可以包容一下？请停下脚步，等一等我，我会很快的找到出路，在出口和你会合。

我现在想练琴，怎么办？

祝福

Dear Diary, plz help me to send all my best wishes to a friend... I dedicate this post to her.

I am glad that you have return to your warm shelter again today;
I am glad that you feel safe once more;
I can't give you much, but will pray for you day and night,
You will be fine, and continue to glow with your music... happily & bright,
& you know, i am always by your side.

@ Marina Barrage

Mei had this sudden inspiration to go to the marina barrage this evening. When we reached there, we found out that today is actually the opening of this marina barrage, it was crowded. There is this huge and tall bridge, that we can walk up, and ended up at a big field, then can see the marina site of Singapore, quite cool. It's definitely The place for 'pak toh'ing there, cos at nite, it is dark up there, only lights along the walk way, the field? total darkness... hehe.

We stayed there for a couple of hours, cos wanted to see the fireworks at 9pm.

Really a nice place, will go there again, soon.

天冷的猫

I watched two musicals lately... first, on the 3rd May 2009, the CATS. And can u believe it? i remembered the time wrongly, 我多么的懊恼， 为什么可以犯这么严重的错。那票不便宜，然后我知道他们一定不让我们进去直到中场休息。I am gonna miss half of the musical, my gosh... but, when we reach there around 7.30pm (started at 7pm), they lead us to a viewing room, lucky, we don't need to miss all half, only the first 30mins. But that viewing room, sigh... not live, it's thru speakers de... not nice at all, i still blaim myself for making this stupid mistake.

so, i didn't really enjoy the musical for the first half, but the 2nd half not bad. nice songs, nice dance, cool... so cool. one thing, the background didn't change much, other than that, not a bad watch, hehe...

2nd musical that i watched on 6th May, is a Singapore musical, at first i didn't want to watch it, cos u know, singapore 本土的，i don't know whether nice or not, don't dare to spend too much, then once i heard the OST on radio, nice wor... cos normally 新谣all listen until xian already, but they actually 从新编曲for all the 新谣, and it's nice. very jazzy and modern. So, i decided to watch it this time... and guess what, I was so touched, cos all the songs that heard when i was in teenage, all reappear in the musical, in a very different way, very cool too, and 很感动。They sing well, they are cute, of course can't compare to thoese Europe cast, but, not bad for an asian cast already. I was surprise. :) give them a smile for that.

More to come, more to come plz... i need all these for inspirations.

越来越接近真相

今天的中央医院似乎比往常的热闹，气氛也比较紧张，人们开始带起口罩，测量体温，在为‘预防猪流感’作准备。

今天已经是这个月的第4次，什么时候我才不需要再到SGH做检查，看医生。大半天的时间，从一开始的‘找parking' , 到看医生，或验血，或照超声波等等的检查，很累啊！老公今天还开玩笑的说，考虑在SGH租一个season parking slot. 不是吧。

但是，好像已经越来越接近真相了。为什么我那么年轻会有那么高的血压，为什么会出现水肿。应该在不久的将来，会有答案，希望如此。内分泌科的医生告诉我，我有一种荷尔蒙的测量指数很高，这种荷尔蒙可能导致水肿和血压高，但是还必须再进行另一种测试（吊盐水），加以确定，才能够针对这病作正确的治疗。希望不会有大问题。我快成为神经质了，一时紧绷，一时又告诉自己放松。唉！！

最近看了一套港剧，《与敌同行》，为了找出真相，好人冒着生命危险，接近坏人，然后再写下每一个发现的疑点，真相就会慢慢地浮现。。。然后。。。 杀杀杀杀杀！！！！ 铲除坏人。呵呵，变态！

我要勇敢地找出让我不舒服的源头，然后杀杀杀杀杀。。。 一个不留！！！

乐观积极。。。对吗？

很难改变一个人的性格吧，但我会尝试。 兵来将挡，战争才一半，难道放弃?

gambateh ne!!!

(not my baby, by the way :P )

没有政府的日子

哈哈，老公不在家，我和妹妹正过着没有政府的日子哦，太幸福了，别羡慕。

他回老家扫墓啦，我没得回去，因为忙补课。之前生病请太多病假了，唉，不然我也还真的想陪他回去拜拜的啦，毕竟好像结婚到现在，第四个年头了，还没有去过拜拜他家的祖先。他倒是每年都陪我JB扫墓的。真希望明年可以陪他走一趟。

但是，没有政府的日子还是蛮爽的啦。就好像可以迟迟睡，可以穿得清清凉凉地在客厅看电视，毕竟这几天的天气实在是热得要命。可以和妹，驾着车到处去找好吃的，等等。本来还想看场电影，像看那个‘know1inG' 故事还蛮特别，也许是我对数字有癖好，哈哈。还有唱场karaoke, 但是基于经济的考量，还是取消了这两项节目。唯有在家里看DVD了。唉，被政府管习惯了，变乖了？

过了这个周末，又得回到补课的日子去了，还好下个礼拜有一天公共假日，可以休息休息。

I need something to inspire me, common, any concert?

送行者~礼仪师的乐章

我从来不是一个很‘电影’的人。每每都需要知道故事大纲之后才愿意花钱看电影。

礼仪师，是在日本，为往生者作人生中最后一次打扮，化妆的师傅。这个电影题材很特别，好像至今还没有任何一部电影是描述这个行业的。我认为还蛮值得看，虽然心中怕怕的。

没想到，一点也不恐怖呢，真不愧是日本制作，把电影拍得非常漂亮，干净，舒服。再融合电影的配乐，中提琴与钢琴的合奏，太美了。而且也让我对死亡，和往生者有了另一番的见解。

很值得一看的电影。

空

Gosh, baby, how come you are so different from mummy?

Wat a year~~~

Dear Dairy,


Wat la, after months of suffers, now i've recovered, well, sort off, and guess what happen to my car last Friday?

When i saw it, it was already damaged, the whole bumper dropped onto the ground. Like 'he' heard some 'jaw dropping' joke or news, watever.... At first I tot, walao... really so 'suay' this year, ppl hit and run, I got to spend extra 700plus to repair.

Then this taxi uncle came, saying that he saw who done the 'good job', then he passed me a name card, it's a car repairer's card, hmmm.... he owns a workshop? can trust or not? some more he said he already call the police for me and got picture of the lorry driver. Then cos policemen waited for me too long, went off liao, so he waited there for me to come down, got such good person nowadays?

Then he asked me to follow his taxi to his workshop, to discuss how to claim the lorry driver and repair my car for me.... scared scared, at nite, follow a stranger, to some industrial area, workshop ppl always very fierce one, and i heard ppl always say, if ur car go in there, hard to get it out liao, have to settle with lots of money, etc etc... how? how?

In the end, i called my students' mum go with me, then call haw to meet me there at the workshop, then haw went with 2 ge and another friend... luckily this time really meet some honest ppl, well, i know they got benefits out of this incidence as well, but at least they are honest with us, they settled all the insurance documents for us, we don't have to pay a cent and today, I got back my car, in good condition, nice bumper, nice touch up and nice rear light.

This year is not that bad after all, right?

A special visit

Dear diary,

I was admitted into SGH on last Wed night. 3 days. Good experience, although they only solved my 表面上的问题。Still finding the cause of my water retention.

I was admitted into ward 64, block 6, level 4, room 19, bed 7. Anybody buying toto from these? I took the evidence, as show in the pic below.

I took the pic of the food there as well, hmmm... not bad actually, i can't say nice, but eatable.

I should have taken the pic of me with my 2 big 'briefcases'. ok the story starts like this, i told u that i got water in my body, all over my body, like a balloon, right? so, i went to hospital, the doc gave me some 'magic' pills to make me keep running to the toilet, yes, even in the night. They have to do one 24 hour check on my urine, so, i have to accumulate them, in where? not my bladder, of course, in some big, huge 5 litres, squarish container, which look exactly like a briefcase. And guess what? i used 2 of those container, within 24 hours. super right?

not only that, they are like mosquitoes, keep sucking my blood. everynite around 5am, they will wake me up to draw blood, sigh.... poke everywhere, got bruise some more.

But now, i am at home already, well, i feel good, and healthy, although they haven't find out what cause the water tank in my body, but for sure is not kidney or liver problem, not cancer either, these are the 3 that i scared the most. Let's see the follow up, hopefully can find out what happen in me.

Bull year or Blue year

Dear diary,

ok, i must start of my blog with a word... SIGH~~~~~  what's wrong with this year? since the first day of new year, everybody falls sick. 

Dear dad fall sick on the 年30晚，body ache like mad, then fever, can't move, can't eat, vomit etc etc. Dear sis fall sick on the first day of CNY, rashes all over body, body ache as well, fever, similar to dad... no need to mention about me, I am officially qualified as... 豆腐做的人， 超低抵抗力的一个胖妞。Gastric problem, or whatever problem that could be, have been bugging me for months, i loose my temper sometimes, cos frustration. Can u imagine u carrying a balloon with you all the time, and inside that balloon is full of water. Damn heavy, and also embarrassing, cos everybody starts asking me, are you pregnant? *fainted*

CNY like no CNY, no nice food for me, no nice drinks for me, no cold drinks, no tidbits nothing. 

Something to cheer for though, before the CNY, I bought a new toy, hehehe... tada~~~~ an IPhone. It's so cool loh, although the function is not as good as my previous Nokia (I still love my Nokia, it's a GPS for me now), but the IPhone is very sharp, very colourful, online everywhere, all sort of applications, cool cool cool... 

I went to Penang during CNY too.... at first i need to drive, but in the end, brother in law drove, i help a little.... but from Malacca to Singapore, hehe... dearest hubby drove, he got his licence from me already, i think this CNY he drove the most, even more than his entire driving life. I am so so pround of him. 

Penang was ok, went to 4th brother in law's house, cos this year they didn't come back to Malacca, so we decided to go there and visit them, all together 4 cars, drove up North, so cool ya. Stop together, talk together, everything together.... but too many ppl, have to wait this and wait that, to much time wasted on waiting. but who cares?  it's my holiday, suppose to relax. I didn't feel that uncomfortable during the CNY, but once coming back to Singapore, i feel the bloated once again, really don't understand why. Until today, i am still trying out new doctors, new clinic. just hope that someone can give me an answer, why my stomach so big. It's not fat hor, it's all water. hahaha... must make this clear. 

ok, got to go to bed already, good nite. 

唯一清醒得一天

亲爱的日记：

原谅我，最近颓废透了，想干什么都提不起劲，几乎是在半垂死状态。在我身边的，应该都了解事态的严重，在这里，我就不一一解释了，实在是长篇大论。今天比较清醒，就觉得自己应该来交代一下后事境况。到目前为止，我还是好好的啦，应该是在痊愈当中吧，所以请你不必担心。

在我失踪的这段日子，其实发生了很多，有值得开心的，也有。。。好啦，开心的居多。首要的，就是老公出差回来了，他很照顾我，以前认为他不可能做的事，在我生病的这段时间，发生了。老公，谢谢你！！！ 我从来没有那么公开的谈论过我们俩的生活，但是这次确实让我非常地感动。细节就让我留在心里，但是妹妹知道啦~

再来，就是考试成功啦。。。别问我怎么办到的，因为就是纯粹两个字 - 侥幸- 也可能是考官心情好，要不然就是，因为我是最后一个考生，他想赶快收工，回家休息，总之，能过，一定不是我的努力，或是天分。还是那两个字，侥幸！！！但是还是要感谢一下侯老师，把她气成那样，真不好意思。

还有，就算生病，还是忍不住去看了几场Mr Ong 的演奏会，没办法，实在是cannot resist 他的魅力。但说也奇怪，每次看他的演奏会的时候都没有生病的感觉，胃也没涨，也不咳嗽，非常舒畅的感觉。

好了，我该去睡了。。。累得虚脱~ 

Busy busy busy...

i recovered, then i fell sick again, sis said it's due to pressure, but i don't feel anything to be serious, but she said, it happens 无声无息的。

then, to make things worse, dad and mum came visiting. I was like, what???? for all the moment, i can't fall sick in front of dad know? he is like super gan zheong one.... will start to boil this, boil that, buy this buy that for me to make me feel better, and i will feel bad, cos it's all my fault to fall sick, i drink cold, i eat spicy, i on air con cold cold, i sleep late etc etc....

and and and.... it was class hour last Sunday, and it's the final class hour that i get to attend b4 my exam, which mean i can't afford to miss it, and i have to play like 2 mega exam pieces, which i seldom practise when i was ill, and i always can't finish playing them cos it needs too much concentration and stamina, see? how miserable my life was during the long weekend? but one thing cheer me up, a concert try out at mr ong's house...

Mr ong is having a violin, piano duet with Mr Jin Li on the 2nd of Nov, and it was melting me when i listen to the try out just now... fantastic, they both match so well... techniques are so good, music are good too... whoever reading this, plz go and watch the recital, it's really a 'won't regret' thingy!!!

Back fr. Hell~

I am back, I am back.... have been sometimes i was away~ I went somewhere, loitering there, and back now. I am so glad that i return safely.

Today was... er.... quite happening for me. Walked the whole day basically, make up lesson in the morning, yes, it's a Sunday and i need to work. why? cos i went loitering for a few weeks. and now i am back, i need to work. ok... make up in the morning, then went to shop for a laptop, not for myself, but my husband. and... yeah~~~ he bought a Toshiba. A very superb cool look, shinning shinning one. Very chio~ and he is gonna bring this chio little thingy to Australia. Yes, he is going there again, i will be free for a month plus, but I got better things to do than loitering around. I need to practise, sigh... don't remind me about exam. I am freaking.

Not scared one la, i always tell my students. sigh.... ok, sorry guys, i take back my words. I feel so bad. sorry teacher. I went shopping today, and my teacher sent me a sms... saying : I bet u are working hard to practise your piano, i know u can play well, jia you!!! <--- see? I feel so bad. I was too tensed up, and i don't feel like touching the piano at all. I mean... AT ALL!!!

anyway~~~ I will try, don't care, and chiong ah~~~~~ practise for 3 hours tomorrow, how about that? 3 hours are consider little ok! Mr Ong, such a busy old man, so pro somemore, and he practises 5 hours a day! sorry sorry... SORRY!!! ( i feel like crying, i feel like hiding in a cave, i feel like i am not a good 榜样 for my students!)

Sh*tty Holiday

Sigh.... I am back. I started with a long sighhh... there is a reason for it.

By the way, I am back in Singapore already, I was lost in action for a week or so cos, i really really had a bad week back in KL. Well, I am glad that my parents are beside me when i was 'down'. Down as in, really dead down on the bed, super sick ler....

At first already cough like don't know what... then went to see doc in KL, he gave me some super strong antibiotics, which my stomach cannot take it at all. So, my stomach feel bloated for don't know how many days, until today loh... i think about 6 days already. Can u imagine your stomach like a balloon, gonna burst in any minute, and yet, u still have to carry it around. I couldn't breath properly, cos of the gassy feeling inside me. I couldn't sleep properly, when i was lying on the bed, i feel so bad, i can't breath... sigh, really bad feeling for me.

I can't eat strong taste food, I feel like throwing up after eating. I feel dizzy in the day time, slept in the living room, on a metal 'teh-yi'.

And worse... I was suppose to rush down to JB for my class hour on Sunday, and guess what? i remember the flight time wrongly, and I missed the flight, ended up, staying in KL, was that a sign? cos Sunday nite was the worst of all, i vomit and cough non stop, if i was in teacher's house, will sure scared her away.

Monday, came back to Singapore, the gassy feeling still inside me, for the 2nd time, i went to a doc. but the doc was too concentrate on my cough and blood pressure, he didn't say much about the gastric problem, so, i carried the balloon with me for another 2 days. then 3rd time to the Doc. which was this morning... and i make sure he check me up for the gastric prob. Another 3 bags of medicine....

really hope that all the gas in my stomach will just disappear tomorrow morning... by burping, by farting, whatever... just get rid of all the gas. I cannot stand it anymore...

oh ya, another thing, i pierced my ears, like finally ya. Now i can say, it's not painful at all.... hehehe, at least something to make me smile in these terrible days.

@ Home

I am back in my kl home, it's good to be home, can relax, rest. Actually this time, i am suppose to practice piano at home, hours and hours, but i find it actually quite hard to do so.

The TV is basically on from 9am till late at nite, although my parents didn't complain about anything, but i just feel not right to torture their ears, u know, when u are practising, it's not very promising.

2ndly, the piano is like.... my gosh, super out of tune, i can even tell by bare ears, very bad condition, well, as a very 'chin chai' pianist, i don't really care, so, that will make the torture worse, just imagine all the sounds are crashing, and i am playing the 20th cent pieces, super crash, like 2 bullet trains crashing into each other.

then is the weather... extremely warm ok, make me feel like sleeping. I fell asleep even playing the computer, and that NEVER happen to me.

and i am still coughing badly, every time when i am practising the piano, i just feel that i cannot catch my breath properly, i hold the breath until the end of the piece. especially the moderato and nocturne by Britten. Why must use so much strength? i got no strength leh.... then why must play so quietly? it's hard to control u know... sigh... so, at the end, my Britten become.... PINK COLOUR~~~ and teacher said i very 恶心。 我也不想的啊。救命啊~~~~

OK... 以上的都是借口，我一定会好好地练琴的，Sunday is another class hour, sigh.... i am gonna play the whole of the Haydn sonata, will i be able to?

I miss you~

We had a nice long chat, after all these months, all these years.... with a cup of warm tea in my hand, it's nice... i miss those days when we were together.

• we used to talk on the phone, share our things
• i used to go to your place, stay a peaceful afternoon there before starting to work
• we used to cook breakfast at my place, still remember your fried tomato and crumble egg
• we used to work at the same school, having lunch and dinner together...
• we used to do so many things together, then we lost each other.
• and now.... we've found each other again and wish our friendship last forever

心情0908

我又打败仗了，喉咙依然刺痛，大伤风，怎么那么差劲。

上个礼拜，去了JB，住了一夜，和阿松，卓乐闹了一个晚上，和他们一起游泳。他们是第一次在condo的泳池游泳，阿松好棒，一点都不畏惧，很喜欢水，玩得都不愿意上岸。然后晚上还提灯笼，两个小男孩笑得多么开心，太可爱了。

回到新加坡，就病倒了，躺了两天，糊里糊涂地，睡得天昏地暗，连日子都差点忘记了。今天头脑比较可以思考的时候，竟然以为九月就要过去了，以为自己已经没有时间，以为学生们的笔试就要到了，更以为我的考试也已经逼近。是不是太离谱了？是不是压力大？还是被一些周围的事情影响了心情？

是的，我很容易被别人或者别的事情影响，哪怕是一部连续剧，一首歌，一篇文章，还是一个人的一句话。最近看了一部比较悲的戏，哭得稀里哗啦，满脑子都是戏里的人，事，物。很难抽离。我是不是应该离开电脑一下下，让心情平复，沉淀，直到。。。。几时？唉~

其实，一直以来，我都是认为自己是幸运的，想要得到的东西，不用太努力就可以拥有，但是会不会有一天，幸运不再眷顾我，让我自身自灭？我还没有学会珍惜呢。。。会不会太迟了呢？